Chuck Norris vs. Bear Grylls

**DEATHSTAR** · 11-15-2008, 08:53 PM

One guy is a Marial Artist best known for a slew of cheesy action movies the other; survives in the wild often killing animals and eating their flesh without even cooking it in many cases.

Blinger101 · 11-15-2008, 09:07 PM

Case in point:

**DEATHSTAR** · 11-15-2008, 09:12 PM

Plus his son's name is Marmaduke!!!

Phatality.com describes him as such:

Quote:

Bear Grylls however is not a bear. Bear Grylls the man was born on the beaches of Normandy on June 6, 1944 but through his superb diet and exercise routine is currently only 34 years old.

Bear enjoys swimming in frozen lakes, sleeping in tonton carcasses and killing innocent animals on cable TV. His favorite food is the small intestine of a camel and his favorite past time is making tents out of leaves and saliva.

Bear is proficient in many weapons including, but not limited to: knives, boomerangs, sharp pointy sticks, jagged rocks, smooth rocks, trees, dead animals, and his socks.

Better Photos Even:
In this one he had just killed a Yak and drank the blood streaming from it's jugular vein... for "protein"! He followed that up by skinning it and wearing it for the rest of the episode.

Note that this Zebra is decomposing and already half eaten by something else!

**Monkeylord** · 11-15-2008, 09:21 PM

Why is it so difficult to find people who can spell "TaunTaun" properly?

Regardless, I voted CN because I've never heard of the other guy.

Also, I came THIS close to picking these up today when i saw them in town...

Tanooki · 11-15-2008, 09:28 PM

Bear has survival instincts to do a bit of trapping, eat raw foods (animal, bug, plant) and probably could do a decent level of fighting to wrestle down that meal. Chuck though, he maybe older now, but he has a lot of survival instincts too, maybe eats some raw food I dunno, but he could punch a hole clean through Bear and have that as a snack. Chuck wins. Chuck may not if both were lost in the wild for around 2 weeks, not sure, but otherwise ya he'd win.

virion · 11-15-2008, 10:23 PM

bear grylls is the ****ing man..

here's a video to prove it.

Man vs Girls Gone Wild

**DEATHSTAR** · 11-15-2008, 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by virion

bear grylls is the ****ing man..

here's a video to prove it.

LMAO! They had the format of the show and Bear's voice down to a T!!

virion · 11-15-2008, 11:02 PM

i know.. it is a perfect parody.

i love man vs. wild.. and 'survivor man'... those shows are the ****.

**DEATHSTAR** · 11-17-2008, 12:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tanooki

Bear has survival instincts to do a bit of trapping, eat raw foods (animal, bug, plant) and probably could do a decent level of fighting to wrestle down that meal. Chuck though, he maybe older now, but he has a lot of survival instincts too, maybe eats some raw food I dunno, but he could punch a hole clean through Bear and have that as a snack. Chuck wins. Chuck may not if both were lost in the wild for around 2 weeks, not sure, but otherwise ya he'd win.

Bear Grylls would eat Chuck Norris literally.

Lizzaroni · 11-17-2008, 12:15 AM

Chuck Norris knows karate and established a cult of personality, that's it. Bear Grylls owns him in virtually every other capacity, including good looks.

Blinger101 · 11-17-2008, 12:30 AM

Plus Bear has the accent.

Smokey · 11-17-2008, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DEATHSTAR

One guy is a Marial Artist best known for a slew of cheesy action movies the other; survives in the wild often killing animals and eating their flesh without even cooking it in many cases.

Cheesy action movies, maybe, but how many national karate tournaments has Bear won?

And can Bear piss his name in concrete? I rest my case.

**HGW XX/7** · 11-17-2008, 10:50 AM

^No, but he'll eat the concrete, then have himself willingly thrown out of a helicopter with a faulty parachute, only to land in a bear den, whereupon he would dominate nature.

Then Chuck Norris would cry. Curing cancer, sure, but he'd be a woman for it.

**DEATHSTAR** · 11-17-2008, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smokey

Cheesy action movies, maybe, but how many national karate tournaments has Bear won?

And can Bear piss his name in concrete? I rest my case.

I've never been sold on "winning" karate or any fight in a controlled environment. I just don't believe that always translates 100% into real world fighting skills, some sure but not automatic badass status.

thegamecubist · 11-17-2008, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DEATHSTAR

I've never been sold on "winning" karate or any fight in a controlled environment.

*points to ITF Tae Kwon Do...those guys are monsters!*

Chuck Norris, if only for the legend factor. I'd say Bear but...it's Chuck Norris.