Bottom

[Monkeylord]

Since there isn't a TV section, it's been recommended that this be put in here... yes, it's the long lost Bottom thread!!! (I know - it sounds kinda foul, but DEAL WITH IT!!!).

A place for us to congregate and post our fav moments, try and answer those annoying questions that have been bugging us for aeons and share with the world the wonder that is "Bottom"

For those of you who don't know, "Bottom" is a short lived comedy programme that is still spawning yearly Live performances. Created, written and starring Ade Edmonson and Rik Mayall (Rik and Vivian from "The Young Ones") as Richie Richard and Eddie Hitler. 2 out of luck nobodies who frantically stumble through life trying to get laid, drunk, and generally slap each other about a bit. It's all slapstick humour and foul jokes... what's not to love!?!

To start off with, I'll post one of my fav moments. It's from the episode entitled "SMELLS" (which was the 1st episode). It's near the end of the 1st scene with the pair discussing Richies (lack of) sex life, when Eddie has a plan...

Eddie: Hey! I've just had a fantastic idea!
Richie: Oh great! [He waits while Eddie drinks his pint.] Well?
Eddie: What?
Richie: What was the fantastic idea?
Eddie: To drink that. Only joking! Why not put an ad in the lonely hearts column?
Richie: Yeah!
Eddie: Yeah, yeah. "Ugly virgin desperately seeks sex of any description."
Richie: That is absolutely brilliant! "Suave, sophisticated, witty" bababababa-aaaaaah! Let's just be economical with the truth. Um, something buck. Yeah, "Hot young buck".
Eddie: What about "badger"?
Richie: Nnnno, no, I'm more a sort of..
Eddie: "Hedgehog".
Richie: No, fox. That's good. No, that's good. No that is good.
Eddie: "Stoat".
Richie: Foxy stoat? Yeeaah! Yeah, it's got a ring to it. "Foxy stoat seeks.."
Eddie: "Pig"!
Richie: "Foxy stoat seeks pig." Shut up Eddie! This is very important. Let's see now, foxy stoat... on the prowl... Rrrrrrrrr... I like that! Musky, musky fox, musky sly old foxy stoat, minky musky sly old stoaty stoaty stoat... Oh this is ridiculous! I'm not getting anywhere. What do they normally put?
Eddie: Hang on, here we are. Sad old gits section. Sad old gits section. Did you hear what I said?
Richie: Yes.
Eddie: I said "Sad old gits section."
Richie: Please, I've only got so many ribs, Noel Coward. What do they normally put?
Eddie: Well he's not going to get very far, is he? "Gay."
Richie: Don't knock it Eddie, cuts down the field for guys like us. Right, let's have a look at this. "Gay.. gay gay gay gay gay gay widow ga-" aah, widow! [licks lips] "Widow. Busty, raven-haired, millionairess, gay." Gay, gay- hang on Eddie, this is the gay section! Well u- urhh, what's this? "Instant Sex Appeal". You can get it in a bottle.
Eddie: Let's have a look.

[Eddie gets up, stumbling around the room behind Richie.]

Richie: "Pheromone sex scent. Women cannot resist this powerful love smell. Scientifically distilled from mystical African orchids." Wow! Oh look, it's medically proven. "This stuff attracts women like you would not believe - Karachi Medical Gazette. Available at all good sex shops." This is it Eddie - Girl City here we come! What do you think old chum?

[Eddie throws up on Richie's shoulder. The pan explodes.]

Richie: Nil desparandum!


Classic!

[Messiah]

I really like that episode where they stole that guys false leg and put a bet on Sad Kent to win the horse race. Evidentlly they lost thier money a devised a plan to get the money back, mug someone. The Policeman is the first person they try to mug so they end up getting caught. I love that bit where they have the police line-up and when they get to Eddie and Richie they've pulling faces to try and make it look like they're different people. I couldn't stop laughing. Another classic in the already long line of classics.

[Serj]

My favourite episodes are:

The one where they get stuck on the ride in the fairground
The one where they go camping
The one where they are burgled
The one where they watch cricket on the roof of a shop
and The one where they are playing chess

Bottom is a very funny comedy and it's a shame it isn't on terrestrial TV anymore

[Monkeylord]

I love the episode where they nick "Cannonball" Taffy O'Jones' car and use his honeymoon tickets for the "Hotelo Marvelloso Splendido" in Wolverhampton... Eddie's dressed up as a woman throughout most of the episode and has his jugs on backwards. This scene's a classic too -

Richie: Edwina! Ah, this is not what it seems!

Eddie: You were trying to pork her!

Richie: No, no, no... I simply don't understand how the shower works!

Maid: He was trying to pork me, you know.

Eddie: Of course he was, my dear. Men!

P'shore! [exclamation of contempt]

[He punches Richie in the face]

They're only ever after one thing! Sexist BASTARDS!

[He guides the maid out of the bathroom & shuts the door]

Us birds should stick together. [puts his arm around her]

Maybe in the nude. Tell me, my dear, are you at all interested in the pleasures of Sapho? Perhaps you'd like to come on a winter wonderland waterbed cruise to the isle of Lesbos?!

Maid: You're worse than your 'usband!!

[Kick's Eddie in the knackers. Eddie screams to camera]

[Messiah]

What about the one where richie cuts off his finger and eddie has to staple it back on. ha ha

[Monkeylord]

That one is "Holy" - the Christmas episode.

[minorityslam]

I've heard that the pheromone stuff really works, does anyone know anything about that?

[kurst]

^**** you pherlure, i bought you for $50, just to realize that i was naturally sexy